oh, the places you'll go!

After a fun day cheering on our Cincinnati Reds

and then devouring some delicious Montgomery Inn,

I sit here at my computer with a happy heart
(and a full belly!).

My heart is so happy because I am officially

on summer break! 

Friday was our last day of school until August,

and I couldn't bring on the restful vacation

quick enough.

On Friday, I read Oh, The Places You'll Go!

by Dr. Seuss to my students.

I have probably read this story 339 times before,

but reading it on Friday brought on new meaning for me.

Dr. Seuss definitely knew what he was doing when he

wrote this story because it covers the ups and downs

of life.

If you have not read the story, or maybe haven't read it in awhile,

it starts off, 

"Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to Great Places!

You're off and away!"

I have had so many wonderful and exciting adventures just in my short 29 years of life (yes--I am calling that short!).

From graduating Valedictorian of my high school class,

to joining the best sorority and all of its fun opportunities,

finding and marrying the love of my life,

to graduating from my favorite college, and 

beginning my career doing what I love.

I traveled to so many beautiful places

in my journey along the way.

"You'll be on your way up!

You'll be seeing great sights!

You'll join the high fliers

who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.

You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.

Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.

Wherever you go, you will top all the rest."

I can say that for the most part, I am happy

with my decisions I have made in life.

Of course there were some mistakes along the way,

but mistakes are what teach you lessons, right?

I feel that most of my life has been spent a happy,

optimistic person.

"Except when you don't.

Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so

but, sadly, it's true

that Bang-ups

and Hang-ups

can happen to you.

You can get all hung up 

in a prickle-ly perch.

And your gang will fly on.

You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch

with an unpleasant bump.

And the chances are, then,

that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,

you're not in for much fun.

Un-slumping yourself

is not easily done."

When I read this page, it almost took my breath

away because I realized this page of the 

book is talking about my current situation in life.

At this moment, no matter what successful things

are happening in my life (and I realize there are some)

my whole focus is on the fact that I am failing at becoming

a mother. Keith's tests have come back normal so obviously

the problem is with me.

And if you know me, you know that I am a perfectionist.

I do not, I repeat, do not, like having something wrong

and not being able to fix it.

So here I sit in my slump,

while people daily are announcing pregnancies or talking

about their upcoming pregnancy.

People are moving on with their lives and here I sit.

Waiting.

"You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.

Some windows are lighted. But mostly their darked.

A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!

Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?

How much can you lose? How much can you win?...

...You can get so confused

that you'll start in to race

down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace

and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,

headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place..."

Eeks! Did I just say I was sitting here waiting?

Oh no! I did!

I am in the Waiting Place.

The place where I don't know what the next step

is in this whole fertility journey.

What does my future hold?

(Crystal ball where are you?!)

The place where I often feel alone and

where I want to be excited for others when they have fantastic news to share,

but for some reason the light inside

of me is shining a lot less brighter these days.

I do not feel as though I have been an optimal 

wife, friend, daughter, sister, teacher.

This is not the place I want to be.

But how do I get out?

This situation is out of my control.

"No!

That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape

all that waiting and staying.

You'll find the bright places

where Boom Bands are playing."

Was Dr. Seuss reading my brain when he wrote this page?

He's right, somehow I will escape this.

Somehow I will overcome this.

Somehow I will be better than this.

"On and on you will hike.

And I know you'll hike far

and face up to your problems

whatever they are."

Yes! Yes, I can do this.

I don't know the reason yet

for being taken down this 

rocky road. But I will

learn a lesson from it,

and I will be stronger for it.

"And will you succeed?

Yes! You, will indeed!

(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS."

This is the biggest mountain I have

faced so far in my life.

Things have definitely not come easy for me,

but, this obstacle is physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally

putting me to the test

(remember that marathon journey last year--

yeah this is way harder than that!).

I don't know why.

I don't understand why.

I may never know why.

But I MUST overcome this,

and I will.