Courage.

What is courage?

Is it being brave? Is it being fearless?

Is it being unstoppable?

Many times I will hear people say that I am 

brave, and I do not understand why they say this.

I have never felt weaker in my entire life.

How can I be considered brave when 

I am scared every day of my life

that my dreams will not become a reality.

I found these quotes on Pinterest about courage that

I felt fit me:

 

Today, my courage was tested.

I woke up at 4 in the morning with excruciating pains in my lower

abdomen.

I knew what this meant.

As I have told you many times before,

my periods are THE WORST.

They always have been ever since I started having my period,

and today was no different.

I went and laid down in the fetal position on the bathroom floor for awhile

where it was cool.

The heat in Cincinnati lately has been in the 90s, feeling like 100,

and my school doesn't have air conditioning.

I thought once I could feel cool again,

I would be much better.

Around 6 A.M., I started getting ready for work.

I was constantly stopping what I was doing, though,

to take a break and lay on the bathroom floor.

When Keith woke up at 7:15, I was in tears due

to the amount of pain I was in.

However, I refused to take anything for the pain

because I know that Advil is not good for you

when you are trying to conceive,

and Tylenol doesn't really help.

Keith told me that maybe I should call into work sick,

but I refused.

This has been my life with periods.

I can't call in sick every time I start my period.

Besides, I had to be at a meeting at 8:00.

I left the house but honestly do not remember much of the morning.

From the house to school,

I remember talking to my friend, Christina, on the phone.

I do not remember what we talked about, though.

I felt like I was in a fog.

I got to school, threw my lunch bag in the teacher's lounge,

and walked across the street to the meeting with my friend,

Carrie.

I remember telling her that I wasn't feeling so well today

and that I thought it may just be a combination of the 

heat and starting my period.

I remember walking into the room where we were having the meeting

and being thankful that there was air conditioning.

Thank goodness!

A cool room...I can do this!

The meeting started at 8, but I don't remember much of it.

I know that I was feeling extremely hot and was drinking

water like a mad woman to cool myself down.

At one point I thought I would go stand by the 

window unit air conditioner to cool down.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.

I had to get out of that room.

I stood up, looked at Carrie and weakly said,

"I need to leave. I'm not feeling so good."

And that was it. That's all I remember.

From what I'm told, two colleagues carried 

me to the nurse's office (which was thankfully

close by).

They apparently checked my temperature and sugar,

asked me if I was pregnant in which I responded

by crying (how embarrassing!),

and asked me if this has happened before.

I'm told that I said I just needed a nap

and I would be fine to teach in a few hours.

Unfortunately, this wasn't a good enough answer.

I do remember being told that they were calling the 

ambulance and I BEGGED them not to.

They didn't listen to me.

The paramedics came and of course asked me 

what medications I was on.

I once again felt embarrassed as I had to name

the fertility medications I was on and then

had to announce (again!) that I had started my period.

Just what 2 male paramedics wanted to hear at 8:30 in the

morning.

They asked if I wanted to go to the hospital,

but this time I strongly refused

(I wanted to scream--you have no idea what my 

doctor bills look like right now! I don't need 

an ambulance and emergency room bill, too!).

A colleague of mine called Keith from my cell phone

and explained the story to him.

Again I was told that I said I could drive myself home,

but many people advised against that.

Keith came and got me, and I stayed in bed for the rest of the day.

Such a scary day and wishing this nightmare was over!