Dirty 30s.

Tonight I celebrated over a decade of friendship

with these two birthday girls.

Meghan's birthday is August 31 and Anne's birthday is September 1st.

We always have to laugh that these two REALLY were

born in the same hospital and probably slept near each

other in the nursery.

Isn't it funny how friendships are meant to be?!

Dinner at Crave was delicious and drinks at Tin Roof

were definitely a blast

(except for the weirdo that came up to one of our

friends in the middle of the bar and wanted to play

rock, paper, scissors?!?!).

Happy Dirty 30 my dear friends!

I enjoy being the baby of this group!

Falling down and getting back up.

Today we did our first IUI.

As I have said before,

I never imagined that we would need

help in our trying to conceive journey.

I thought it may take us a little longer than others,

but I never thought it would come to needing help

from doctors.

But, alas, here we are.

Keith's appointment was at 7:30,

and afterwards we made a trip to Starbuck's

so that I could devour another tasty

Caramel Apple Spice. 

Next, we took a walk around Rookwood,

did some shopping at Old Navy,

then went back to IRH for my appointment at 9:00.

The IUI wasn't terrible.

Dr. B did have some trouble

getting the syringe passed my cervix

(should I be concerned about this?!),

but finally he made it and 

was able to do the insemination.

After resting for 10 minutes or so,

Keith and I were cleared to leave.

I spent the rest of the day

in bed snuggling with my Maddy

and watching trashy tv.

Hoping for the best this month!

Sunshine, Friends, & Fun

After hearing amazing news at the doctor

and an awesome day at school,

Keith, Maddy, and I hopped

in the car to take a mini-vacay

to Louisville for the weekend.

That's right--this was Maddy's first trip to Louisville,

and I don't know who was more excited,

Maddy or her mama?!

We spent Friday night catching up with

all of the Richardsons:

Savannah, Kevin, Rocko, Holly and Nick.

Here is a cute pic that Savannah snagged of the pups:

It was so funny watching these pups because Maddy is

usually the one being chased,

but tonight she switched roles and became the chaser!

haha

They made us laugh until we cried!

Before bed, Maddy and I snagged a quick pic:

I love that Savannah and Kevin were so sweet to 

invite our little Maddy to their house this weekend,

and I couldn't have been happier to have my little pup

with us!

In the morning, we woke up and the birthday girl,

Danielle, joined the party!

We all threw on our bathing suits and enjoyed

the last bits of summer sunshine at the pool.

Such a relaxing day!

When we got back from the pool,

look who was waiting for us:

So precious!

We took some showers,

then we headed to the Louisville Zoo

for Brew at the Zoo.

 Here are some pics of the evening:

I snagged this pic from Danielle (thanks girl!)

Blonde Trio

After the zoo, we were going to keep the party going at a local bar

or winery,

but some people in our crew weren't feeling

too well after all of that beer!

So we headed home for chatting and snacks!

Savannah is the best hostess!

Such a fun weekend in Louisville,

and Happy Birthday Weekend to D Money!

Do not be afraid.

Today I had my first cycle day 10 ultrasound with Dr. S to see if my body is responding to the Femara.

I have to say I was excited to meet Dr. S because I have heard such positive remarks about him, 

but I also was SO NERVOUS!

What if I spent all of this money on the Femara for it not to work?!

I probably had to go to the bathroom three times before I left the house due to my worrying.

I arrived at 8:45 (appointment was at 9)

and they took me back fairly quickly.

Dr. S came in and was super friendly

right from the start.

(So far I think he is my favorite doctor--

he is so personable!).

I also like him because he filled me in

on how many follicles I had blossoming.

I like hearing all about the follicles so

it makes my science heart happy

when they tell me sizes and measurements. :)

He said that my uterine line looked great.

I had two follicles on the right side that were 13 and 14 millimeters,

and two follicles on the left measuring 15 and 16 millimeters.

He said he was impressed that my body was responding so well.

Woah--4 follicles!

I was impressed to.

Finally, I can give my body a pat on the back for doing SOMETHING

right.

He advised me to take my Ovidrel shot Sunday evening,

and the IUI would be on Tuesday morning.

Yippeee!

I was elated with this news!

I think I left beaming. :)

I text Keith to tell him I was leaving,

and he called me immediately.

When I answered and said "hello"

Keith's first response was,
"Well, you're not crying, so it must

not have been too bad."

HA!

Note to self: I must really get my crying under

control.

After talking to Keith, I ran into Starbuck's

to pick up some Carmel Apple Spice drinks

for my teammates at work and me.

Today concludes our first week of school

and I think they deserve a reward for putting

up with me and my crazy emotions.

I am also hoping that these are celebratory drinks!

Tonight we head to Louisville to spend some time

with our friends, Kevin, Savannah, and birthday girl, Danielle.

I'll blog about that soon!

Happiest of Fridays, everyone!

A Beautiful Post

Today I read a beautiful post written by

Erika at Something Beautiful.

It's titled, "Today I Woke Up Crying,"

and describes how so many people

struggling with infertility feel.

Hop on over to her blog and check it out!

If you read it, it may help you or someone you know. :)

HOME anniversary & Welcome HOME party

Today I celebrate the word "home."

Today is our two year anniversary in our home,

so I decorated our chalkboard in the kitchen to

look like this:

We also attended a "Welcome Home Party" for our

friend, Joey,

who finished his time with the United States Marine Corps

and is now back in Cincy to stay!

I didn't get any photos from the party,

but I do have this picture.

This pink ribbon is made out of flowers and was

located in the park where Joey's party was hosted.

I couldn't pass up a photo op with it....

the flowers were so beautiful!

Such a beautiful day in Cincy...

Happy Saturday!

I refuse to sink.

Today my monthly visitor decided to once again rear her ugly head.

Can't she just go away for 9 months?!

I called to let the doctor's office know that today was cycle day 1,

but I also wanted to know the results of my most recent

AMH test.

It has been over a week and I still haven't heard anything.

When a nurse from the institute called me back,

she informed me that Dr. B was out of the country

and my file was in his mailbox waiting to be looked at.

I didn't want her to break any rules, but I wanted to know

my results, and I wanted to know NOW.

She reminded me that she was not a doctor,

but stated that my new results came back

at a level 0.70.

Not great, but I will take improvement!

She told me that she has seen patients

with much lower levels than this get pregnant,

so she had faith that they could help me too.

I got off of the phone feeling much more confident.

0.70 is by no means my ideal number,

but I'm hoping with supplements and 

a better diet of fruits and vegetables,

maybe I can up that number a little more!

This is a new cycle filled with new hopes and dreams.

I will begin taking the Femara on Saturday,

and then go for an ultrasound follow-up on August 23rd.

I will not give up.

Lunch date

At the end of the school year in May,

a parent of one of my students asked if 

I would be willing to tutor her daughter in math

over the summer.

Now, since her daughter is such a cutie patootie,

I just couldn't say no!

I enjoyed my summer spending some quality

one-on-one time with Caroline two days a week

and providing her that extra support she

needs to be successful in 3rd grade.

This week marked the end of our work together this summer.

To celebrate all of Caroline's hard work,

today we had lunch together at Larosa's

and then she wanted to go with me to pick

Maddy up from the groomer.

Here they are right after we picked Maddy up:

Gosh, they both are just too darn cute!

Thanks for a fun afternoon, Caroline!

I will miss you so much 

this school year!

All things B.

Today I decided to put my infertility woes aside

and head out to the ball game

with my best friend since 3rd grade, Kacie,

to watch some boys in baseball uniforms.

What could be better, right?!

Today the Reds played the Oakland As.

It was a close game,

but the Reds pulled it out with a

6-5 victory!

I think the highlight of the game was watching 

Corky Miller

the Reds, eh 3rd string catcher,

go 2 for 2 with a pair

of RBI doubles!

I like Corky so much because

even though he is getting older,

he shows that he just loves playing baseball.

And that's what it's all about.

Not the millions of dollars many of these players are earning,

but the love of the game.

I respect that.

Unfortunately, Corky had to leave the game

early after an injury at the plate.

I hope he is okay!

I want to protest that Corky should go

to the post season because I enjoy watching him play,

but Keith tells me that it ain't happenin'.

Bummer!

After the Reds win,

Kace and I snapped this pic:

Such a fun day!

The Call.

Have you ever gotten a call that has completely changed your life?

The kind that you are never the same afterwards?

My first earth shattering call came on September 9, 2001,

when my family was told we needed to say goodbye to my Omi.

She had fought hard in her battle against cancer,

but in the end, this nasty, terrible disease won the fight.

My Omi was always one of my favorite people.

She loved me in all the best ways that a grandma loves a grand daughter.

Growing up, I would visit her on her farm in Georgia.

I would spend months riding horses,

shopping, and eating her delicious food.

It was a happy day when I found out

she was moving back to Cincinnati,

and even happier when she moved right down the 

street from us in St. Bernard.

I loved her cooking,

baking bread in her bread maker,

mixing ice cream in her ice cream maker,

and spending many summer days with her.

When she needed her treatments,

I would ride with her to the doctor's

appointments, and afterwards

we would eat lunch and shop.

Yes, the night we got the call that I had to say goodbye

to this woman I loved so much,

changed my life.

Up until today, no other phone call or event

has compared.

Until today.

At 8:50 A.M., my phone began ringing.

To my horror, the caller ID said, 

"Institute for Reproductive Health."

Oh no, this can't be good.

When I left the office last week,

the next form of communication was going

to be ME calling THEM if I started my period.

I debated letting the call go to voice mail, but then reluctantly 

picked up the phone and said hello.

More fear set in when I heard my DOCTOR's voice.

What? This must be bad if the doctor is calling and not a nurse.

He was friendly and asked how I was.

Of course I was honest and said,

"I'm worried that you are calling me."

He then proceeded to explain the reason

for his call.

Last week when I had my blood drawn 

(you know, for the test I couldn't remember

what it was for because I apparently didn't think it was 

important)

was to test my AMH levels.

For those of you who don't know,

AMH stands for 

Anti-Mullerian Hormone and

helps doctors detect ovarian reserve

(meaning the number of eggs left,

and/or the quality of the eggs left).

Women with levels above 0.50 have a

better chance of conceiving (and the higher up

the level is, the better), and levels lower

than 0.50 do not bode well for pregnancy.

What was my level you ask?

A 0.53.

I was crushed.

Was that the floor I felt crumbling beneath me?

I had to sit down.

Dr. B told me not to freak out.

He said, "I know you are going to 

google this and it is going to look bad.

But don't freak out.

I've had patients with lower amh levels

than this who have gotten pregnant."

He also told me that we needed to be

more aggressive, especially if

Keith and I wanted more than one child.

He then proceeded to tell me that 

he wanted me to come back in for a retest,

as well as double my dose of my prenatal vitamin,

and begin taking 400 mg of Co-Q10 supplements.

My conversation ended with me setting up

an appointment for that day to be retested,

but I'm surprised I was even able to speak 

real sentences.

I got off of the phone and felt like the wind had been 

knocked out of me.

I immediately called Keith, who answered but

had difficulty understanding what I was saying

because I was so upset.

After explaining what Dr. B said to Keith,

I got off of the phone and immediately

jumped to google.

Dr. B was right.

This looks bad.

It looks REALLY bad.

According to google, many people with low AMH

do not have success with IUI or IVF,

obtain donor eggs, and/or adopt.

Saying I was crushed does not

even begin to describe how I felt.

Inconsolable? Miserable? Guilty?

Oh, the guilt that consumes me right

now is eating at me.

The thought of me not having my own child

never crossed my mind.

I thought it may take me a little longer than others,

but I assumed eventually I would get there.

The thought of never experiencing what

most women call the best experience of your life,

kills me.

The fact that our family is not becoming a 

reality because of me is too much.

My thoughts are consumed that I am not

good enough anymore, that this is not fair.

I tried to do everything right:

did well all throughout my elementary, high school,

and college years; met the man I wanted to spend

the rest of my life with; found a job doing what

I love to do; bought a house. This was the next logical

step, so why do I feel like I'm being punished for something?

That afternoon I was driving and 

was stopped at a light under a bridge. 

The thought came to me that infertility feels like the weight of that bridge

was falling on to me, and there was nothing I could do to

stop it.

I even told Keith to divorce me because he deserves to have children

that have his DNA.

It is not fair of me to keep him from that.

But that guy doesn't give up,

so I guess I can't either.

It is amazing to me that I went to bed the night before

hopeful that this cycle would bring a positive change.

Now, with one little 10 minute phone call,

my world is changed forever.

Delta Gamma Alumnae Sisterhood Retreat

On Saturday, August 3rd, I hosted my first Delta Gamma Alumnae Sisterhood Retreat.

This is an event that my sorority sisters and I have talked about

for many years, but it never came to fruition.

Back in April, I decided to pick a date and see if we could make this happen!

I know I have spoken many times on this blog about the importance of
Delta Gamma

in my life.

I honestly do not know where I would be with out the love and support

of my sisters.

They truly made college the BEST 4 years of my life.

Take a look at our evening:

My co host Savannah and I decorated my house inside...

...AND outside.

In the pictures below, Savannah had saved an old banner 

from Bid Day that welcomed our new members on Bid Day 2004 in the University Center.

We decided to hang it off of my porch to welcome everyone to the retreat

(I wonder what my neighbors thought?!?!) 

**Side note: Next time we decided we would make a NEW banner

with each member's name who was attending the retreat that evening.

 

We started off our evening by chatting and eating

(Delta Gammas love to talk and we love to eat!).

 

We also had "warm and fuzzy" bags (see the pink bag below in Sarah's hand)

to write nice notes, silly stories, fun memories to each sister that came to the retreat.

Savannah and I also asked each member to wear their 

favorite Delta Gamma shirt.

(I did a fashion show throughout the night of different t-shirts.

Watch the pictures to see how mine change!)

Lori and I sporting our shirts that say,
"We didn't come to college to find our husbands.
We came to find our bridesmaids."

I also unveiled my newest pinterest creation--

a chalkboard that I repurposed from an old

mirror and frame.

My Grand Little Savannah, My Little Lori, and Me

My Little Ashley, Me, My Little Lori, Grand Little Savannah

Time for a t-shirt change and writing warm and fuzzies!

This shirt was a throw back to our Date Party 2005.

Me & Mary Jill

Me & Jen

Jen, Me, and Anne

After our chatting in the house and watching a slideshow from

the 2006 Delta Gamma seniors,

we decided to take

our conversations outside.

At our Delta Gamma Sisterhood Retreats in college,

we would have what we liked to call "Firesides".

This is where you can share things going on in your

life, whether it be good or bad.

Rule #1: What's talked about in fireside, stays in fireside.

So at our Alumnae Retreat, all the same rules still applied.

Amber, Hannah doll, Kelly, and Mary Jill

Big Sister Lori and Little Sister Savannah

Anne and Ashley

Mandy & Sarah

My delicious S'more and Me

Me (with a t-shirt change) & Jen

Yum, yum, yum!

The picture below is of Savannah and I (with another t-shirt change)

at 4:30 A.M.

I can't remember the last time I was up this late,

but I know that I could have chatted for MANY more

hours!

Love this girl to pieces!

I am so excited that we were able to host this event.
I often think back to my Delta Gamma days with fond memories,
and it was so nice to create new memories tonight.
So my next question is....
Who's hosting the next sisterhood?!

LITB!

Ole!

Today I spent the afternoon doing

interviews for a new kindergarten teacher

at Sharpsburg. 

I liked the candidate we chose from the

moment I saw her,

so I hope she ends up working

out well and liking her new

home at Sharps.

After interviews, I had

dinner with the FABULOUS Shawna at Don Pablo's.

I am so thankful that I met this girl

because we can chat about how

sucky infertility is.

I can also ask her questions

and she is like a guru with this

stuff so she helps me out tons!

The Bad News About Dinner:

We had a super creepy waiter

who wanted to tell us his 

whole life story.

He also kept trying to play jokes

on us, which was really weird.

At the end of dinner,

he accused us of stealing his pen

that we used to sign the check.

Excuse me, but I don't need

your stinkin' pen, buddy.

The Good News About Dinner:

I got to catch up with

Shawna AND I got a surprise--

one of my students from last

year was eating dinner here

with her family. 

So we snagged a pic. :)

Jessie, Erica, and Me 

Good food & good company,

now that's my kinda Friday!

Ole!